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June 27, 2011
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"Oh, of course. We could both pretend that me being here served a decent purpose, but in actual fact I'm just another typical person who wants something to feel significant about… Yeah yeah yeah, I know, just like everyone else, I want to provide the intellectual stimulation and interest that only comes with those who are bequeathed with a prefrontal cortex that operates like Arnold Schwarzenegger on steroids, but we both know that the best thing I can provide is an overrated personal perspective with an already arbitrarily aspergsers thought process, filled with crap about social life and other things I can't ever REALLY hope to understand. So lets start with something soppy, how about love, how about sexuality. The little thing that all teenagers in their abnormally normal lives become ecstatic over when they think it can give them that little bit of individuality to rise above their pathetically dramatic and drab peers. Love is already fake… as real as it seems, most of that wonderful human emotion is just smoke and mirrors made by hormones, and lust. So why would someone worry about destroying an integrity that doesn't even exist? I'll tell you why, an acceptance complex over realizing that what isn't there has no effect unless some poor bastard becomes delusional over the idea of some unique experience that defines them as a more, learned form of emotionally stupid life than those around them. My big mistake right there I guess, pretty much waking up to that when I added her in my contacts list as 'play mate' and within five minutes of our quick goodbye I chugged down an energy drink to get the taste of her out of my mouth, all the while pretending that something that would most likely stay between us would have some sort of effect on the magnitude of my first love. But why care about that, when I've already deduced that everything I thought I was feeling was just bullshit anyway. Including that what seemed so at large in my life was something that never really happened anyway. I guess I can honestly say I'm just a sap who wanted that little bit of spice that came with a big brain that made most people happy because it eventually led to better sex. Even that statement is just a shot in the dark, that so many others like my self have taken just for that elevated feeling of self proclaimed 'brilliant philosophy' and 'maturity'. All just more petty terms that have an accentuated idiocy thanks to my extensively pointless use of what would be called inverted commas. This entire page of rambling is just a vent for a façade of a broken heart that never actually broke. These things are just steps in life towards growing into an ever learning and dumb adult. Unfortunately this wasn't nearly as fun as it could be, as the keyboards of today aren't installed with a sarcasm button that can be easily symbolized in written language. In conclusion the only thing that isn't fake in love is the depression."

'Love is suicide… whether they accept your heart or not, you don't have it anymore, and you're gonna die without it.' ~ Felix The Cat, 2011
Just a meaningless fling and confused emotions put into my own words
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